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thoughts & musings :: CCC

Wednesday, 11 August 1999

Lunar Splashdown

In 1998, NASA launched the $63 million Lunar prospector in order to stare more inanely at that cold piece of desolate rock that floods small villages in Devon.

In March of that year, it was announced that there might be suggestions of water ice in some of the deepest darkest craters on the lunar surface. This caused a huge flurry of excitement over the prospect of putting Disneyworld on the moon. Not that anyone would want to go there, but the sooner that smarmy rodent is blasted into space the better.

The possibility of lunar choc-ice sustaining a colony of 'loonies' created a buzz about space travel that has not been seen since Buzz and Neil arrived home to confirm it was very dusty and would need one heck of a clean before health and safety would allow Ronald McDonald to sell the first McLunar sandwich. Even the obviously faked alien sightings have failed to arouse enough interest in living on the surface of the moon.

Once the Lunar prospector probe had outlived it's productive life, NASA decided to use the probe for one last cosmic ram raid. Someone overpaid in the ideas department decided it would be a great idea to crash the probe into the moon to see if the impact kicked up any water. Amazingly, no-one actually laughed at this 'obviously flogging a dead horse' scheme and everybody thought it would actually be a very good idea indeed.

Waving aside all images of astronauts standing around on the moon with umbrellas and buckets ready, NASA lined up the craft and readied it for the nosedive. There was, of course, the possibility that the craft would just crash and sit in a crumpled heap, failing to do anything else other than create a new crater and smudge a few of Neil's footprints. But it was worth a shot, it might just work. No, obviously it wouldn't, I know that. You know that. But they... well, they're NASA, they spend billions of money proving things like this. The moon is a rock... we know. A cold desolate one.. yes already. Inches are not centimetres... yep, check.

On July 31st, the probe swooped in and crashed...

NASA have not been contacted over this article at all, I just wouldn't know what to say.

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