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thoughts & musings :: CCC

Wednesday, 12 May 1999

MI6 agents exposed online

Quick! Quick! Hit the search engines! The names of 116 MI6 agents have been leaked onto the Internet.

It was the day of freedom of speech, where the little man could rise up and expose the evil puppeteers for the tools of political deception that they really are.

It was time for the worm to turn, the mouse to roar, and the monkey to smear lard upon the face of the organ grinder.

A vast army of freedom fighters leapt at the chance to turn the tide; not thinking of their own shallow egos or the chance to claim to have done something, they tirelessly sought out the list on the internet, copied it multiple times, and passed it on to fellow comrades of the cause.

There was the odd comic moment though. Despite the request for the media not to release the details of the website, the over obliging intelligence cosy BBC managed to unintentionally link its news site to the list of names posted on a message board on the website of MI5 renegade Ian Shayler.

But what did these freedom fighters really prove? They proved they could manage basic PC Skills such as copy and paste text. And also the ability to append huge reams of 'Kevin Costner JFK courtroom style garbage about the freedom of individuals against the all powerful evil government' to the end of the message.

They sit behind their screens wearing their pathetic Che Gevara T-shirts, pretending to be intelligence experts just because they have a poster of Scully hanging above their soiled beds.

The Secret Services perform their services in secret, the clues in the name there quite blatantly. If the secret services have to publish a full business plan and mission statement down at the local library before every operation, it's going to hamper their efforts and could undermine their security slightly.

The amount of disinformation and security means that no-one will really ever find out what they are up to. The internet revelation group seeking to expose the spooks plague the online newsgroups with whole herds of mad theories about what the governments are up to. Who reads these messages? Just the extremists and the spooks themselves. So what sort of expose is that anyway?

Sure, most of the governments on this planet are probably up to all sorts of hair raising schemes that would sicken even the most public school of rugby captains, but what can we do about it? Leave the spies to spook each other and just relax. There are more than enough things being monitored nowadays to create an unmanageable deluge of intercepted 'junk mail' in prying ears. Best way to fight back? Just live your life to the full and add to the noise. By shouting about every conspiracy under the sun, you just draw attention to it and detract from its credibility.

So stop wearing out the copy/paste keys on your keyboard and quit the Kevin Costner courtroom garbage, you probably sound more like Ally McBeal anyway. Make a noise... make your own noise.

The MI6 List:

But if you really want the full list -- there are over 180 MI6 Agents throughout Britain and Northern Ireland, all of which are listed with addresses, phone numbers and even a small map. You're just a couple of clicks away. [UPDATE: This last joke has now been completely undone by the collapse of shoddy furniture maker, MFI]